Sometimes, I Just Want to be Bad!

Sometimes, I get tired of being a Type-1 diabetic. Sometimes I get tired of trying to lose weight. Sometimes, I just want to be bad!


It’s one of those mornings. I’m irritable and out of sorts. I’ve already snapped at my dear wife. 

I’m bloated. My morning blood sugar is 196. That makes me grumpy too. It’s not because I’m mad at it being that high. It’s because morning highs have an adverse effect on my mood. They make me grumpy. 

I did this to myself. I can’t blame my diabetes. It reacts to whatever I put in my body. I know that, but I did it anyway. 

The Bible has strong language about knowing to do good and not doing it. “If you know the right thing to do and don’t do it, that, for you, is evil” (James 4:17). I don’t consider myself evil for doing what I did to myself last night. That’s kind of strong. But, I do consider it bad because I feel out of sorts. 

Sometimes, I just got tired of managing my Type-1, insulin dependent diabetes. I’ve had this disease for 46 years. I’ve done a decent job with it or else, I wouldn’t be here. Moreover, I’ve had very few serious complications from it. So, I give myself a pat on the back for that. 

But, sometimes I just get tired of it and want to be normal when I know I’m not normal. 

I also weary of trying to lose this blasted big belly. I’ve been consciously trying now for six months with limited results. I think my fat has hardened into concrete. It’s going to take a jack-hammer to bust it loose. 

I count calories. I eat healthy small portions. I drink juice made from our juicer twice a day. My wife puts all manner of healthy stuff in it and just like that, it turns into juice. I’m talking about kale, carrots, Romain lettuce, tomatoes, beet greens and roots, apples, oranges, and even bananas. Stuff like that. It’s like drinking a vegetable garden. 

I’ve been consistently exercising. Walking is my favorite. 

Still, I haven’t lost much poundage. But, physically, emotionally, and mentally, I feel at the top of my game. I like the way I feel except for this morning. I’m an old grump. 

Last night, Joyce and I went out to my favorite restaurant, Pablanos, with two of our very good friends. I had decided that I was going to indulge a little. I drank a small frozen Marguerita, ate a nacho cheese beef burrito. Had too much chips and cheese dip. 

Salty Mexican food makes me crave something sweet. I keep some candy on hand like my diabetic grandmother did to treat her lows. I know, I know, there are healthy ways to treat a low. But, a low gives me a chance to rationalize that I can have a little sweet treat. 

My sweet craving got the best of me last night. I popped in two handfuls of M&M’s and was headed for another one when my wife brought me to my senses. Thank God! 

I’m paying for my indulgence now. 

I wish I had eaten right now. I know how to eat Mexican food correctly and order ice tea or water instead of the sugar-loaded Marguerita. When I do eat right, I wake up the next morning feeling good. No blood sugar spike. No bloating. 

I really tried to keep it from spiking. I loaded up on extra insulin before the meal and at bedtime, but it got up there anyway. I feel really physically bad this morning. That throws me off emotionally too. 

The bloating from water retention because of all of last night’s salty food made the number on the scale go up too. I went from yesterday morning’s 233.1 to 234.4 this morning. That’s a 1.3 pound gain. 

If I could go back to last night and do things differently, would I do it? Nah. Sometimes, I just want to be bad. But, I can’t make a habit of it. 

Back to healthy eating today and drinking lots and lots of water to hopefully get rid of this salt and bloat. 

Maybe I’ll walk three miles today instead of two. Guilt and an extra 1.3 pounds are great motivators. 

I’ll feel better by lunchtime. I always do when I blow it. I just hope my wife forgives me for snarling at her this morning. 

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