When the Weight Loss Formula Doesn’t Add Up or in Other Words, 2+2=5

Any first grader knows 2+2=4. But somehow I missed that. For me, 2+2=5! What I’ve been doing just doesn’t add up. Here’s my story.

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I’m really MAD this morning! ­čśí. Really, really ANGRY!  I want to do something desperate. I want to kick something. To hit something. Just get all this frustration out. You know, a Gestalt-like catharsis. 

I’ve followed the formula, and it doesn’t work. 2+2=4?  No!  Not for me. 2+2=5!

I’m so annoyed that I want to do something drastic. Forget coloring in the lines!  I want to take a bucket of paint and splash it on the wall. What has me in such a tizzy?  Weight gain! I stepped on the scale this morning. The result? 237 pounds!  237 pounds!!!  I’m going backward instead of forward in spite of all my good efforts. It’s not working. 2+2=5. 

What makes it worse is to read all the success stories and see the before and after selfie pictures of people in my Facebook weight loss groups like Corey here. 


Those images once inspired me. I congratulated them in the comment section. They motivated me. If Susie and Bob could do it, so could I. 

I don’t feel that way any more. I want to throw something at their smiling faces. I’m in a mood. 

Even my wife has gone from 176 to 150. She looks fantastic. “I’ll soon be at my wedding day weight of 127,” she happily sang out. 

I congratulated her, but inside, I am jealous and envious. Why can’t I lose weight like she has???  Why? Grrr. 

But don’t get me wrong, Joyce is my greatest cheerleader. She even bought a juicer last week, and we’ve been juicing twice daily. 

My first juicer juice. Thanks to my wife
We take our daily weight loss walks together. She is my encourager to stay active. 
Beautiful spring day for a walk in Palos Heights, Illinois
She was quite concerned when I weighed in at 240 on December 26, 2016. On that day, it hit me. I’m obese! Fat. Overweight and out of shape. 
https://danwhite5868.wordpress.com/2016/12/26/i-am-obese/

 I couldn’t even walk a mile without stopping and huffing and puffing. My calf muscles ached. I wanted to stop before I got started. But, I didn’t. 

I knew if I kept going that success was right around the corner. After all, the proven formula is “less calories in and more calories out = weight loss.” It’s not rocket science, right? 2+2=4. Wrong!  For me, it’s  2+2=5!  

It’s been 5 months now. Losing 8 pounds a month is a realistic goal from everything I’ve read, and I’ve read a lot. I consume weight loss and nutrition books like I use to chow down on southern country fried steak and mashed potatoes. But, not any more. I’ve learned what to eat and how to eat. Dr. Colbert’s book, I Can Do This Diet, has become my weight loss bible. 

I’ve been eating healthy stuff for a while now like non-starchy salads with only vinegar and a little virgin olive oil for salad dressing. I’ve eliminated all white processed food like white rice, white pasta, and white bread, and Ritz Crackers. They say that’s unhealthy. 

Now, I eat brown stuff. Whole grain food like Ezekiel 4:9 bread, quinoa, and stuff like that. 

I’ve virtually eliminated red meat from my diet. They say it can cause artery clogging cholesterol. 

I eat salmon occasionally I’m not a big fan of fish including salmon. I like fish fried the southern way. An old fashioned southern fish fry and hush puppies! Sign me up! However, those days are gone. 

But, I am making myself eat the salmon when Joyce bakes it. 

Chicken is now my meat of choice. But, it’s not the “finger lickin’ good’ southern fried chicken with biscuits and chicken gravy like mom used to make and that I grew up on. No, today, it’s broiled, baked, or saut├ęed in a stir fry dish cooked with a little virgin olive oil. 

I’m trying, really trying to train my taste buds to like all of this healthy stuff. After all, it’s hard to teach a 66 year old dog like me new tricks. But, in giving it my best effort. 

I walk two miles almost every day. I did it yesterday averaging a mile in 20 minutes. That’s  world record for me. It usually takes 24 minutes per mile. 

My Fitbit I bought about a month ago motivates me to walk every hour by buzzing. It’s kind of like my dear wife encouraging me into fitness. My Fitbit merrily buzzes and messages me every hour on the hour with “Take me for a stroll.” And, strolling we go!  We do at least 300 steps until it’s time to walk my two miles. Then, we really get strolling. 

Yesterday, my Fitbit recorded 3.64 miles walked. That’s 7,981 steps, 5 floors, and 2,526 calories burned. You would think that would decrease my weight at least a measly tenth of a pound. But oh no, not me. That added up to 237 pounds this morning!  See, I told you.  2+2=5! ­čś│

What about food? Yesterday, I had steel cut oatmeal, blueberries, low sodium tomato juice, and Kefir for breakfast. For lunch, Joyce made healthy lentil soup and we had a side of whole grain crackers made from quinoa, brown rice flour, and some other healthy ingredients. We had pineapple chunks for dessert. For supper, she made a healthy, meatless vegetable enchilada wrapped in a whole grain shell. And you guessed it, fruit for dessert which was blackberries and raspberries. I had a bedtime snack of two Graham Crackers with fresh ground peanut butter, and a glass of 2% milk. 

I also drank 32 ounces of water like the formula for weight loss calls for. Granted, 64 ounces is better, but 32 ain’t bad!

Now, explain to me why my weight went from 235.5 pounds yesterday morning to 237 pounds this morning. 

By the way, we’ve changed our eating-out habits too. We used to go out two or three times a week and always included our favorite Mexican place. I enjoy their jumbo frozen marguerita loaded with 600 calories. But, we don’t go out now except with friends on occasion. When we do Mexican, no more margueritas. Just healthy stuff. Yes, you can order healthy at restaurants even Mexican ones. If we had gone out last night and ate unhealthy, loaded with salt, fattening food, then I could understand my weight gain this morning.  But, we didn’t. We ate healthy at home, and I gained weight for some inexplicable reason. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some success in this weight loss thing. On April 26th, I weighed in at 231.2 and was at 231.4 on my 66th birthday eight days ago on May 14. 

I can’t even remember being that close to the 220’s. I was pumped. 231.4!  Then it started moving up. I knew the reasons for it doing so. We traveled 900 miles to Chicago to see my daughter and son-in-law and ate fast food on the road. 

Of course, our three Shelties went too. 

Sophie in foreground then Lilly and Tipper
We are out a lot on that visit too. But, I did always include a salad! I’m turning into a Romain lettuce leaf!

Long hours in the car and eating Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches and biscuits are not the best foods for weight loss! 9 hours in a car plus Chick-fil-A = I don’t want to know. 

It’s easy to put the pounds on and almost impossible to take them off again. I had quickly put ’em on. 

But jumping from 235.5 yesterday to 237 this morning? Grrr!  I don’t understand that!

When my cheerleader wife innocently asked me what I weighed this morning, I snarled and snapped at her. “237!  You got that, 237 stinking pounds. My mean reply put us both in a bad mood. The only happy family member this morning was our one year old Sheltie, Sophie. She’s always in a good mood full of happiness ready to play ball. 

Happy Sophie always ready to play and jump
Well, I’ve cooled off now. Writing out my frustrating emotions helps. My wife and I have kissed and made up. I feel better now after venting. 

I’m glad I didn’t hit something or throw paint on the wall. Those anger management books I’ve read have really helped me manage my temper constructively!

As Scarlet O’Hara famously said in my favorite movie, Gone with the Wind, “Tomorrow is another day!”  I’ll regroup and keep trying. But, the way I’m going, I’ll hit 300 pounds by next week!

And then, maybe not. Hopefully not. I can’t quit trying. I do feel better. I’m not lethargic. I don’t feel like I have to take an afternoon nap. I also sleep better. My pants are loose. Maybe something is going right and 2+2=4 after all. 

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As always, thanks for reading. You can subscribe to my blog by filling in your email address in the space provided at the end of this rant. 

It does make me feel pretty good that my blog has been read in 36 countries including of all places, Pakistan!  And, I now have 9 dear people who subscribe to my blog. 

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