What Weight Loss?

I’m very discouraged this morning. I feel like a failure. I don’t know what more to do to lose weight. 

I weighed upon rising. I weigh 235.4 pounds. Terrible!  It’s gone up 4.2 pounds since Monday, April 4. That’s an average of a one pound daily gain over four days. 

We did go to Pablanos on Monday night, but I didn’t over do it. The rest of my meals this week were small healthy portions. Plus, I walked 1.6 miles most days. 

Yesterday, I was 561 calories under my budget of 1667. Wednesday, I didn’t walk and was 551 calories over budget at 2229 calories. Tuesday, I was under again at 1346. When I add the walk, I was way under at 509 calories. Monday, the 4th, I was under 569 calories with the walk added. 

I do have a problem waking up at 1 or 2AM and eating 2 graham crackers, peanut butter, 4 Hershey’s Kisses, and a glass of 2% milk for a total of 476 calories. But, I add that to my daily caloric intake and still come short most days of 1667. 

I sip on water all day. Most days, I drink 32 ounces or more a day. Water is supposed to help lose weight. Right?  

I’ve been reading some on metabolism from a book I’m reading through. I know my metabolism is crawling like a snail. I’ll be 66 next month. Age slows it down. Could this be it?

I just don’t know. 

I’ve also lost a lot of muscle mass due to aging. Muscle burns calories at a 70% greater rate than fat. Could that be it?

I just don’t know. 

I take a statin for cholesterol, Enalapril and HydroChlorot for high blood pressure. I’ve read that these drugs not only hinder weight loss, but they can cause weight gain. Could this be it?

I just don’t know. 

I do know that I am majorly discouraged. What’s the use?  Why put myself through this?  Just eat, drink, and be merry! But, I know if I do that, I’ll be at 250 in no time. At the rate I’m going, I’ll probably get there anyway, but maybe it will take a little longer. 

I feel like I’m waiting on something that will never happen. I will never get down to 180 much less 220 which moves me out of the obese category to the overweight category. 220 was my first goal. I thought it would be a snap. Ha!

I’m in a conundrum. On the one hand, I want to quit. I don’t care any more. On the other hand, I want to continue to eat healthy small portions and stay within my 1667 calorie goal. 

I do feel better. I have energy. But, man, these emotions are dark stormy clouds over me. 

I’ve lost hope of losing weight. I guess I’m destined to be fat forever. 

If I gain weight doing what I’m doing, so be it. If I shed a few pounds doing what I’m doing, hurrah!

My mind wants to lose weight, eat healthy, walk and exercise, but obviously my body wants to hold on to every stinking ounce of flabby fat. 

Why can’t the two cooperate?  Who knows?  I sure don’t!


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